I have been a serious gambler since about 2004. It was during the online gambling craze that I was in college. Chris Moneymaker and the Rounders movie really changed how many people liked gambling, and I was thrown into the fray. Example of this is Charles Barkley who lost $30 million to gambling.
The best news at the time was that I was playing blackjack online at partypoker.com. At this point, I probably haven't lost more than a few hundred dollars gambling online. It's not a big loss, but I'm an unemployed student, so all the money I lost was a big deal. Except for the fact that I shouldn't have played in the first place.
It was a weekend night, I can't remember the exact day, but I remember the TV show 24 was on that night and my roommate was a big fan and went to watch the show with friends. I was alone, with my laptop, my internet card that I use to get people on top of me, and $34 in my poker account.
Quickly, I have my account over $100. Then it's $500. Before I knew it, $1,000. I stayed when I should have clapped. Call when I should stay. The dealer kept having chips and I kept winning. It's exciting and fast-paced, every player knows that feeling when they win. After over an hour of playing the game, I had turned that small $34 into over $13,000.
Have I stopped playing? Of course not. The thought process of a gambler/addict is often more demanding. So, as soon as I got all the money, I immediately returned it. I stopped playing when I reached about $700 and paid $600, keeping the remaining $100 in my account. I couldn't sleep for days after that, knowing how much money I had and wiped it out. Even though I still won, the truth is that I know what I have so I can't enjoy the $600 no matter what. This suffering has led me to dangerous behavior, sadness, depression and lying that I thought I could do.
I have been gambling online before this, and I experienced the usual wins and losses, but I never won or lost an unbeatable amount. This time is different.
I continued to play online casino and poker after this. Lose and add more every time. Invest in this website and lose it all the time. After I continued to lose money, I ended up putting my money in the bank. The website will be up for about two days during the deposit, so I know the money won't affect my account for bad until then. I had no choice but to call my dad.
People say that parents won't be upset about something, but express disappointment. It really fits the bill.
My parents went to the bank in my town, and since I was about three hours away from university, they took money from my grandmother and put it in my account to save my back. I believe the number was around $1,000. It was in the spring of 2005. After that, I stopped playing. Until I start again. I started using bodog.com and got into sports betting. Big mistake. My first winning bet was about a $35 bet on four football games. I took the running line at -1.5 for all four teams and made over $1000 on my $35 investment. I can't believe it, I must be a famous sports bettor.
I called my brother to log into my account to make sure I won, because it was too good to be true. He checked and confirmed that the money was there. Then he and a friend started playing with the money and lost some which I don't remember. It seems as if people treat the money in these accounts as play money.
I took summer school classes while staying at my college and in my spare time sat in the computer lab playing online poker. All the time, gambling with money I really didn't have.
I played through summer school, doing well in terms of not having to deposit money into the account. I was playing at big stake tables on bodog’s poker side. I did this until I got home after summer school, and began playing there.
I lost all the money I had in bodog that summer, but kept playing anyway and losing more and more money.
I played casino games and bet sports all the next year of college, which was my final year. Always chasing that crazy run and night I had when I got up to $13,000. Of course, never coming within a sniff of repeating that.
After I graduated college and needed to fill my time since I didn't have a job, I kept gambling while living at home with my parents. Nobody probably knew of the debt, stress and overall impact this was having on my life.
Around this time, the US government began regulating hard on these off shore gambling sites. So I couldn't use a US credit card or bank account to put money in for gambling. No sweat though, they could still accept Western Union. So I would deposit increments of $20, while also paying a $10 fee. I did this countless times to feed my demons.
I didn't win, and stopped after I had no physical money to gamble with. All in all, from the college years to the year living with my parents (roughly 2004–2007), I had to have accounted for at least $20,000 in losses. I don't know the exact number.
Fast forward to 2013, I met my girlfriend and was able to move out of my parents house in the spring that year. I got a job in August and things felt positive for me.
Then, I started gambling again. This time, through a bookie that friends knew. It was an online account, but I would pay or be paid by a person who is connected to bookies.
The first weekend, I split an account with a few other guys and made around $1,700. Now, the way these accounts work is, if you're up over $200 on the account, the bookie will meet with you and pay out the account. On the reverse, if you're down $200 or more, the bookie meets you to collect.
Being the addict, gambler and in a psychotic mindset from all this, I decided it had to be in my best interest to have my own account. God forbid I get screwed out of my winnings if I won a lot one week while all others lost and I might not be paid out. Right?
Now would also be a good time to mention that a close family member to me was the bookie. He warned me to be careful, but what did he know, I was the guy winning all the money.
So he sets up an account for me, and I'm doing fine for about six weeks. By doing well I mean, I was never owing money, but not being paid either. Hovering around even. Until around Thanksgiving of 2013.
The wheels completely fell off my gambling empire. I should also note that my roommate loved to indulge in gambling as well. We would always be talking about our wins, losses and whatever other gambling advice we had.
So I got my account up one week around Thanksgiving, to about $4,500. I distinctly remember waking up a particular morning, I wasn't working because I lost that job, and treating myself to a nice breakfast at a local diner. I was doing it, I won enough money to stop and be finally be happy. All my gambling woes would be behind me.
I never saw of penny of that $4,500. I gave it right back in losses, and the spiral was more out of control than I could ever know.
From December to February, I lost probably every week. I ended up unable to use my line account since I maxed out the $5,000 limit. Then, I got the password to the shared account my roommate used and bet more on that. Chasing that dream, but it was full on nightmare.
I ended up losing around $25,000 I'd say. Now, I should have been done. But no, I tried sports again the next year. Losing another $1,000 or so. And now I can distinctly remember the last wager I placed. December 21, 2014.
I have a long way to go, and I am still struggling to pay off all the debt I still owe from those awful decisions and naive thought processes. I was gambling without a good paying job to cover myself, let alone a job at all.
Today, I'm still paying off what I owe, and reminded of my stupidity and decisions daily. I'm still together with my girlfriend, who I was upfront about with all this from the beginning. She was never a fan of what I was doing, but had no ability to stop me because I'm stubborn.
The actions I demonstrated all these years reflect my selfishness, deceit, laziness and non gratitude. I will struggle to pay off this debt for years to come.
Gambling creates a false reality for people, and is the strongest form of addiction I've ever personally dealt with. Gambling is evil. Just don't do it, if someone does gamble and makes money, don’t fully believe them. While some may manage their money well, that percentage of gamblers must be so low.
Also, if you ever talk with a gambler, they'll always talk about how much they've won here or there. But rarely, if ever, will they share their bad beats or tough losses. Often, it is those bad loss stories that can be remembered best to a gambler. The feeling of losing is such a terrible emotion, and winning doesn’t feel as great as you’d think it should.
Nobody wants to admit defeat, but I have been defeated by gambling more than once. It's an addiction, and some people don't view it the same as other addictions. The feeling of loss, far outweighs the feeling of winning. In short, don't gamble.
I would love to not be anonymous, but many loved ones are still in the dark about my actions. If this story can convince one person to save their hard earned money, I'll be happy with that.